Never say never – Mel Afoa

　

I walk across the school grounds,

as swiftly and silently as possible.

I avoid the floor rubbish as I move.

The tree shadows cover me as I walk,

the deadly walk to my sanctuary,

the closed corner in the fun-filled library,

the only offer of comfort and affection.

The breeze dances dangerously near,

threatening to expose my avoidance,

to the sadists that lurk close by.

Almost impossible to be as quiet as the dead,

as they pounce towards me with stealth,

wickedness holding black hearts on a plate,

standing and gloating as their bodyguards.

I try to side-step my reasons for depression,

my efforts as useless as ever possible.

Fingers of greed and heartless souls start to claw,

scratch and snatch their way through me,

the contents of my bag gone, and of my heart.

They walk away, backs turned ever so slightly,

looking at the masterpiece they have left behind.

I watch the sinful smiles appear, and then the laughs,

simultaneously wiping away the tears of heartbreak.

So I walk on, as empty as a rum bottle of a pirate,

heart as hard as a brick.

Around me, pretence sticks tightly to the air,

the few girls around me too ignorant to believe,

I make my journey independently towards the nearest seat,

brushing away the threats of a meltdown in both heart and life.

As I make my painful recovery with nothing but an empty bag,

the breeze dances quietly beside me.

The sun shines, the yellow anything but comforting.

Ignorance is what the world is best at,

heartbreak is the second.

The pounding thoughts make a small melody in my head,

as do the small cuts and bruises that begin to appear,

externally on my body, internally on my heart.

But God doesn't let things happen without apparent reason,

to suffer is to learn from a lesson, to become a stronger person.

There are angels that come to comfort those who are picked to learn,

happiness and contentment filled into the arrows they behold.

Peaceful and yet unknown, an angel starts to walk towards me,

eyes ablaze with encouragement and secrets,

walking on a catwalk with her hands hung low.

The feeling of knowing that God has sent someone to help,

washes away painful memories, mends that broken heart,

the very definition of 'captivation', of 'death'.

I start to smile, as the angel stands in front of my broken heart,

and looks to the sky, before her eyes land on me,

and in one swift movement, arms wrap softly around me,

I finally find peace in both the world and my internal struggle.

The angel is a blinding light, and I feel everything but sadness,

a shadow I have stuck by with since 'victim' was written as my name.

The angel beckons to her friends, and they come towards me,

I concentrate on the ever-so-bright halos that shine above their perfection,

and I smile as more angel arms wrap around me in comfort.

As silently as ever, the angels start to walk away,

looking back with the smiles that can break polaroids,

hesitant to leave, but encouraging me to finally stand.

She is the last to leave, looking at me with pride,

as I stand tall in the grounds, bruised and battered,

newly reformed smile, heart and soul.

She leans in, and I close my eyes,

the closest I've ever been to a sign of God.

Whispering softly, as the wind starts to carry her away,

she looks at me with a satisfied smile. Eyes ablaze.

'Never say Never'. I turn my back as the fierce wind blows.