Rest Easy - Mel Afoa

Dear Jake,
I miss you.
Its been a year, and I am still yearning for love's warmth, a love's comfort. I miss you, and I can't help but feel pain ripping my heart to pieces every single minute of life. I have to hold onto memories just so I can be closer towards you. I have to make sure I keep every photograph so that your presence does not evade my memory. I have to close my eyes and sing a random song whenever I hear your name mentioned. I dance frequently to release my pain and misery. I gave up on that councillor at school, she was useless. I miss you too much that I feel you are doing this to see me suffer.
I still have nightmares, you know. They are misty in my eyes, unclear yet powerful. I can still remember the day Death knocked on your door. And how you greeted him with open arms.
I still remember that Jake, i'll never forget the day you took that knife and stabbed your heart, and mine. You stabbed yours to save yourself from pain, but why stab mine? You loved me, and you swore to never hurt me. Yet why do I wake up every morning, wishing I were dead, wishing the pain would just drag me already? Please tell me why I walk around at school with death as my shadow, and explain to my friends why I have the purple-black cuts on my skin, claw-like. I look everyday for a new weapon I can use to open my body and release the anger and depression. Everyday I cry myself to sleep, wanting happiness and comfort to hug me tight, hug me close.
No one really talks about you anymore. Everyone is still shocked that a guy like you would ever commit...do what you did. I dunno, I guess everyone fears Death now that he has taken you. Everyone is wandering who will be the next to fall victim. Everyone is betting on me.
So, how's life there? Is Heaven really what everyone says it is like? Are there angels? Fairies? Is The Lord there? I bet He is as awesome as The Bible describes him to be. Can you ask Heaven if I can borrow one of the Angels? I need to feel alive again.
Dad and Mum divorced five months after you left. I was too depressed to see my family tearing in two. Dad took Ben, since Ben wanted to go with him. Ben is twenty-one though, so I don't worry. He is the oldest after all. I'm stuck with Mum and Hela. Being the youngest, I have to go with mum.
I hope Life can befriend with me again. I hope it's soon. I can't avoid Death for much longer, and believe me, he is trying to seduce me like crazy. I sometimes think he follows me, both in reality and in my dreams. I guess i'll be joining you soon. Not complaining, i'll see you again. Bonus.
I miss us, Jake. I miss your arms wrapping around me, your lips on mine. I miss your whispers, your moans, your pleasure, but mostly, i miss your company. I miss us, and I wish I could've saved you that day. I'm sorry for not trying, for not being there. I deserve this pain.
Send me yourself, or send me an Angel, just send something to heal my broken heart. It's at the point where it could not be stitched back together forever. I love you Jake Potter. Rest Easy.
　

Love,

Landona