On The Menu – Mel Afoa

Hey waiter, thanks for the menu,
I’d like to order now.
Can I have a proper relationship with spice,
And a side dish of love and trust chow?
It seems like the other restaurants are all serving the same thing,
Heartbreaks and players everywhere,
This time I want a meal of my own,
A meal that I need not share.

The last restaurant I came across last winter,
According to the Daily Mail was supposedly ‘the best’,
So I ordered their dish of ‘Lovely Bricklayer Man’,
And put him to the test.
It is indeed true that he was lovely,
He would spoil me rotten with gold,
Treating me so ferociously wonderful,
My life so energetically bold.
Had I seen the small print at the bottom of the menu,
Of my ‘Lovely Bricklayer Man’ dish,
I’d have noticed that my beautiful bricklaying man,
Was secretly destroying my number one wish.
To be faithful and to love me was the command,
And instead this hero of mine was playing the dirt,
Sneaking out of the house at three in the morning,
Coming back at six, sometimes missing his shirts.
Hired a private investigator to follow my bricklaying man around,
The conclusion of this hunter enough to make me sick,
Playing not one but three of us ladies simultaneously,
Karma and I struck him in the balls with a side brick.

The other time I was at a different restaurant at Corletta Road,
Ordered some butter chicken and ‘Treat You Right Man’,
Only did so because he was on special,
So I took him home in my van.
Long story short, the ‘Treat You Right’ part was false,
Since he stands with me no more,
Always arguing at night over the stupidest things,
Both of us too stubborn to walk out that door.
At first I thought he could be the one for me,
Coz somehow he made me think he’d be the one,
But two days after that thought, the arguments started,
Things took a turn and that thought was dusted and done.

I can never find the right order to eat and to enjoy,
For it seems all orders are the same,
Can’t seem to find something good enough for my taste,
Since fast food joints are lame.
So please waiter, worker of The Last Straw Restaurant,
Give me that menu with some sugar and spice,
Coz I’m sick of looking around and coming empty-handed,
I just need something nice.

Give me a man, who could love and cherish me everyday,
One to kiss and hold me when things get wrong,
Someone who could love my every flaw no matter what they are,
Snuggle in bed with all night long
Give me a man who could make me wet and wild,
Someone around the bend,
Someone I can be guaranteed I’ll find happiness with,
Forever, till the end.
Please and thank you, no drinks.